Jane Austin

I haven't posted anything for a little while and thought y'all might enjoy this. This is a little blurb Tim wrote one day when we were dating. He came over to the apartment when my roomies and I were watching Pride and Prejudice. Below are Tim's thoughts( he actually claims the below as historical fact). I know, he's the romantic one in this relationship:
On December 12, 1795 Jane Austen signed a contract with the Devil himself giving her the power to captivate readers independent of the quaility or content. However, not everyone would fall under the influence of her demonic plan. There was an angel present that night who would prepare a few souls so that they would be immune from liking Jane Austen. These pepole were born with healthy, normal brains, whereas anyone would ever fains to enjoy Jane Austen must have something wrong with them.
Jane (or Janney as her friends liked to call her behind her back when she wasn't paying attention. She really didn't like being called "Janney" because it reminded her of that time she was lost in the woods and half her brain was eaten by a bear. That tragic event led to her selling her soul to the Devil (who likes it when his friends call him Billy but that really is a story for another time.) Anyways, Jane didn't like it when her friends called her "Janney" because it led to her selling her soul, which she always regretted although sometimes she quite enjoys being encircled about by hot flames and being poked with a pitch-fork, which is surprisingly tickeling. But there's no cupcakes in Hell (I checked the other day and the bakeries don't know how to bake them.) Apparently everyone who has memorized the recipe for cupcakes made it into heaven, and they really don't want to share it with all the people in Hell. It isn't very Christ-like of them, but it does give them an advanta ge at all the Heaven-Hell cook-offs.)
So Jane started on her quest to write a book called Pride and Something-or-Other, which was quite a departure of her previous quest to slay the dragon. A dragon (also named Billy) had been burning up Jane's humble town of Janeshumbleton. The dragon demanded 50 pounds or it would continue to burn the rest of the town at least until it gets bored and decides that burning towns isn't it's thing. You see, Billy the Dragon wanted to form a rock band and Heavy Metal still hadn't been thought of yet, so nobody would let him join.
He tried to join Mozart, but he was too pretentious.
He asked Beethoven, but he didn't seem like he would listen.
Eventually, he gave up with music and decided that the only way that he could raise his self-esteem was by burning small towns and holding them ransom for 50 pounds. It's kind of like how Hitler really wanted to become a painter, so he went to art school and the first guy said, "What is that?"
And Hitlers like, "It's art silly, what do you think it is?"
"I don't know, I thought is was a hot-dog."
"A HOT-DOG!! What are you talking about?"
"Hot-dogs, you know, those sausage things that you put in a bun. I like them with ketchup, but some people like to put mustard and relish on them."
"Oh Hot-dogs. They call them Frankferters where I come from, you know Germany. Have you heard of it?"
"Oh yes, Germany is a nice place, my aunt lives there. She's a nice lady. Sometimes when we where young, my brothers and I would go fishing at the pond near her house."
"Oh how many brothers do you have?"
"Just two."
"And any sisters?"
"One, but she died before she was a year old."
"Oh that's terrible."
"I know, but I was only two when it happened so I never got to know her that well."
"What type of movies do you like?"
"I see just about everything that comes out. I really enjoy the new black-and-white movies that have come out. They're quite an improvement from the beige-and-white movies that they used to make. It was just so hard to tell what was going on."
"I know. It's like you're watching a movie and the music gets all dramatic and you're just like, 'What on Earth just happened?'"
"I know."
"Totally."
And they just kept talking like that for hours and hours. They were talking like that for so long that the acceptance deadline for the art school came and went and they didn't even realize it.